guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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