If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
