dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
