No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
