i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
