i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
