Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
