im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had sex on a roof
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize