We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
