I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
