Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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