What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
