dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
