Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize