does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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