I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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