does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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