Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
