I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
