I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you had me at cake vodka
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
