i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
