Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
