i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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