i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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