Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
