Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
