And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
