look no pants
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
