what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
