It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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