Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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