I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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