need another drink. this is the easiest way
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize