I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
