who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
