Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's the barista slut.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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