Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
