naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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