i will never coherently bang her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
