her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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