even my farts smell like vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
