im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
