dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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