I love black thongs
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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