I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
