Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
