Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
