My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
