I like my sex mixed with concussions.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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