My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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