We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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