come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
