Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
