dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
