Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
