I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
