our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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