Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
