I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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