I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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