She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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