drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
