Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
