I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
