I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
