my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
